Sometimes, I feel like two separate people. Sometimes,I feel like a hypocrite. And sometimes,  I feel like I’m acting or putting on some sort of show…Im a chameleon. I change, I adapt, but not in the good way necessarily. Most don’t know the real me. Only those within my tight circle do. But am I doing myself a disservice? Am I  allowing the walls I put up to hinder the truth?

I try to see myself in other people’s situations,  in other people’s shoes. Why can’t others do the same? Seems like no one cares about anything other than the superficial. They don’t take the time or effort to. Just like I don’t know their situation , they don’t know mine. Do they care? Probably not. But I get it. Not all relationships are meant to be deep and / or meaningful.

I want to live freely, and I want to be me. I want to be understood. Perhaps it’s me that shackles myself. I’ve built this wall, this prison for myself. Could it be the abuse? Yes…and no. Sure, I do it to protect myself,  but I also need to be accountable. I have to own it. It’s up to me to fix it. To set myself free. Who else is going to do it? Not them. And shouldn’t expect them to.

It’s my world, and everyone is living in it. Is that the attitude that one should adopt? That is long overdue? If it’s your world,  that means YOU are the creator. What you say goes, and no one can tell you otherwise. So why try to mold yourself to their liking, their world? No. Gotta take the mask off and keep it off. Now, more than ever. Gotta keep moving. Gotta save face.

J.R.