I would say that I’m a bit of a loner….Always have been. How’s the saying go? Better alone than with bad company. Solitude has it’s perks, but it’s not really all that sustainable.
Along with that, there’s the attitude that you don’t need anyone, you can do it yourself. Maybe you can….but for a lot of people including myself, selfishness and stubbornness is a gateway.
A gateway? Sure, to complacency, laziness, willingness to leave things or run the opposite direction. Guilty. We do need others, We do need help. We need those on the outside to help, support, hold us accountable.
Time to stop messing around and take a good look. Put the pieces and people in place. We can’t keep running away….
I’m old….or am I? You would think people at my age would have their stuff together, but here we are. Sometimes it gets depressing how time has passed by and at times feel like not much has been accomplished. So many hopes, dreams, whatever, squandered. And it’s not like I didn’t have the tools, or time to succeed. But again, here we are….
Daydreamer. Thinker. Maybe too much of a thinker, but amongst the places and noise that bounces around in this head of mine, there are moments of clarity. Just need it to stick to SOMETHING. All I know is, having a support system is key, and I am grateful to have that. Family, “friends”, even though I think I suck at both most of the time.
“And on my path just like a dream Takes me from the in between From out of nowhere you came strong as stone And now I’ll never have to be alone“
A wise, invisible man once said “never give up”. That’s what we’re going with. Time doesn’t matter. Time is a man-made thing. They say it’s never too late to do anything, and it is true. Only one who puts limits on you, is…..you. Sure, it’s challenging at times, but if you need support, look for it. You, or me are not alone.
I am truly grateful for what and who I have. My family, and my new wife especially is the best support I could ask for. It is up to me, to us individuals to take advantage. I know I flounder and flip flop a lot. I’ll be the first to admit….but forget about time, find the support…NEVER be alone.
Listening to the Spotify account and an oldie but a goodie came on. A lot of the words and lines in the lyrics make me think of myself and my situation. Felt some of it in my angsty teenage years, and to this day even in my “grown up” adult days:
“Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn’t work out the way I wanted to And I get real frustrated, and its like And I try hard to do it and take my time And it just doesn’t work out the way I want it to It’s like I concentrate on it real hard but it just doesn’t work out And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out It’s like I need time to figure these things out But there’s always someone there going…”
The song is “Institutionalized“ by Venice / LA band Suicidal Tendencies. Great track. The music video was always a fav too. But I think the content and lyrics are pretty relatable….at least in my case. I try, I really do. Try to be a good person. I try to live my life right. But sometimes I feel things haven’t worked out like I expected them to. I could go on forever, but your poor eyes….
We just need to focus. We need to just keep trying. Expect to get frustrated, expect for things to not work out. If things don’t go a certain way, try again. Or maybe change the approach? Sometimes it may drive you crazy, but use the energy to your advantage. I just want to live my life, live it to the fullest, and enjoy whatever makes me happy or forget the drama.
People who have read my articles at Life as a human or visited this site know about some of my history and why I even started this venture. I’ll be honest, even thought he subject matter is very serious, I tend to be the kind of person to make light of things, and sometimes not seem to take things seriously. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism…..it helps me deal with things. Funny, I play the worry wort and happy-go-lucky roles fairly well if I do say so myself.
“I don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance”. – Kevin Hart
Therapy. Been there, done that. Is it something that I revisit at some time? Sure. But in this day in age with socials and such, I feel like it’s easier to find like minded people and form a community of those who will help each other. This started because at the time, I was going through a separation that in retrospect was a prerequisite of the future.
I was groomed, abused, and taken advantage of. Simple as that. Took a long time to realize it, even though people saw it and told me. I blamed myself for a long time, and I still take some of the blame, but it’s not all my fault. I realize this now. I was manipulated. Now time to continue to deal head on, this time with a new look….a new angle.
So life isn’t always pretty. We all gotta find ways to deal. The important part is to deal. Find thigs to help cope….you can use anything as therapy. Music, comedy, art, whatever. But with that said, you still need to find help in any shape or form….be it a therapist, good friend, spouse, parent. Nothing to it, but to do it.
Another year in the books family. Went by so fast. Time in general has been like that. Where does the time go? Did we make most of it? Did we accomplish anything? Did we progress? Maybe. But myself, along with most, don’t feel any different. But think, who’s fault is that?
As for myself, the year was good. Can’t complain. New job, new wife. new family, my bills are paid, roof over my head….like I said, really can’t complain. But, I feel like I still left a ton unfinished, undone. I feel like even though there has been progression, there was also stagnation. Could be me being too comfortable…too lazy…too much procrastinating.
“Change is personal. If you don’t work on you, your life and the world around you will seem the same.”― DON SANTO
I try not to have regret…what’s the point? Look forward and move on. Make conscious effort to get things done. Set the goals and go for them. If you succeed, great. If you fall on your face, fine. Dust yourself off and move on. Personally, I got a lot of work to do. New year, new me? Just the same old Joe…..
Well, the holidays are over, almost. I hope everyone is having a great one so far. I can’t complain too much. All things considered, so far, so good. I stated before that we here in the Resound and Rebel household, had an event that almost threw a monkey wrench in the holidays, and just life.
As the year nearly comes to an end, I get to think back on a lot of things. I look back and see the rights, the wrongs, and all the in betweens. At the end I also get to grade myself and my life…..and believe me, I am my worst critic…..dare say BRUTAL.
“When misfortune has thrown us a curveball, and the tentacles of desperation are freezing our mind, foreshadowing a hustle-bustle of confusion, we must inflame the power of our imagination. Let us take a walk on the path of groundbreaking change, take daring initiatives, and create a scheme of inventive intentions, gradually paving the way to a new setting, assessing each stage thoughtfully. (“Check and mate”)”― Erik Pevernagie
So amongst the rubble, literally and figuratively, it’s normal to take a look at the past…..dwelling on it is one of the trip ups we face. As for me, it always seems like I’m tripping over the past. The falling and failing is easy, it’s the getting back up…Things still seem out of order or out of place, but that’s not permanent. We have the power to change that.
So, just need to look back, reflect, and not forget to turn around and move forward. Take the mistakes or mis-steps which there will be, and learn from them. Program yourself to advance an be a better person, husband, father, son….MAKE it a good day.
Been thinking….even though I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for, even though for the most part people think I’m this happy go lucky, funny guy, people don’t know what’s really going on. People only see the outside. What I want them to see.
The song “Outshined” from Soundgarden has a line that says: “lookin’ California, but feelin’ Minnesota”. Now, I’m not sure on the intent or meaning of the line, but I think that would describe me pretty well sometimes. I’m sure it describes some of you as well. On the outside looking like a million bucks, but on the inside, whatever the situation may be, is the real.
“Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.” — Maya Angelou
Consideration. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Kindness. Treating others the way you want to be treated. Like attracts like, does it not? Lifting yourself and others to be in a good way, to be better. Life is sometimes good, sometimes not so good. We need to strive to stay in the former, not the latter. At least I try. We all should.
Everyday we wake up should be a good day. For myself recently, I’ve faced a scary situation that really made me think. Made me think about what I had or what I would have lost. Life is too short. It’s too precious to just squander it or take things for granted.
Sometimes I think that’s one of the things that the world needs…people need to stop and think of what they got, and how lucky they are. Situations may not be perfect (never are) but we’re here. We are here, in the now, with another opportunity to be better. Better sons, daughters, husbands, and wives. Better people in general.
Another thing I think the world needs to do is stop and get back to being considerate, kind, and also put themselves in others shoes. I know I try to live that way, It’s okay to be selfish and worry about one’s self first, but being selfish in a healthy way if that makes any sense.
“Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless”. - Edward Albert
So even if it doesn’t seem like it, make it a good day. Be grateful for what you got and let the positive flow to you. Also, be kind to others and treat them the way you want to be treated. The world would be a better place if we all did. Be kind, be better….
On the way in to my day job, an oldie but a goodie played on the radio that made me think. The song was “I Will Be Heard” by metal band Hatebreed. The words in that song ring so true, and in my opinion can pertain to a lot of people’s different situations. May not be everyone’s cup of tea, but this band puts out some great stuff….dare I say very uplifting music. Some of the lyrics of I the before mentioned song are:
“I’ve gotta have my voice be heard And bring meaning to this life Cause I’ve trusted for nothing I’ve been led astray I’ve been tried and tested But I won’t accept defeat Now I’ve done things I regret And its time to reverse the rules I just want to make good on all the promises that I have made“
Awesome. I hear this song and I do want to rise to my feet and take care of business. Makes me think that yes, I can stand up and deal with whatever…and we can. The line “I’ve gotta have my voice be heard, and bring meaning to this life” was the line that triggered the thoughts. I have a voice. I need to use it more. It may sound corny or stupid, but there are times I feel like I was put here for something. Even after all this time, still trying to figure it out….
So check out Hatebreed if you’re into heavier music, or if your in the mood for something different. Hatebreed’s singer Jamey Jasta says: “We use all the hate inside to breed positive conclusions and solutions to the problems in life”. That’s what’s up….
Staying in the right state of mind is important. One of the most aggravating things in my journey anyway, is knowing what to do, how to go about things, but always seeming to sabotage myself. Or, if I make some sort of progress, not capitalizing or using the momentum to my advantage. As long as I don’t just give up all together I suppose.
But think about it, at least put in the effort. It’s challenging sometimes, but it is what it is. But when you have a bad attitude, or not feeling it out the gate, you’ve doomed yourself. It’s already over…
“Giving up is conceding that things will never get better, and that is just not true. Ups and downs are a constant in life, and I’ve been belted into that roller coaster a thousand times”. –
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